After a long day of class and trying to get around through the snow and slush without slipping and injuring myself still more, I returned to the creepy Oz this afternoon at my physical therapy appointment: more electricity sent through to stimulate the muscles in my knee. The therapist also used two other machines this time: the ultrasound and the infrared. I'm not sure I understand the difference in what all these machines are supposed to do. All I know is they are supposed to help my knee feel better. Though I have to admit that my knee actually felt worse after PT this afternoon. And I'm starting to get a lot more pain in my right hip, which I assume must be related to whatever is going on in my knee.
When I expressed to the therapist that I was experiencing more pain in my knee than I really feel comfortable dealing with (on top of the rest of the pain I deal with on a regular basis) she told me that it would be ok for me to use a cane while walking. I know she only meant temporarily and I know she was just trying to help me. But here's the thing:
I JUST TURNED 27 YEARS OLD!!!
IT IS NOT OK FOR ME TO NEED A CANE!!
NOT OK.
AT ALL.
IN ANY WAY.
Sorry for the shouting. It's just that adjusting to all of the changes in my body since my diagnosis has been really difficult for me - both physically and mentally. And to keep myself sane, I've had to figure out how to laugh at situations that just aren't funny. At all.
But recently I sort of feel like my ability to stay positive is backfiring on me. I've been feeling like my doctors aren't really taking me seriously about the amount of pain I'm in. Or how upset I am about being 27 years old and having RA and being too exhausted to do anything fun and dislocating my knee on top of all of that. Just because I come into the doctor's office trying to smile and stay positive doesn't mean I'm ok. It doesn't mean I'm exaggerating when I say I'm in pain.
Aren't doctors supposed to know that?
When I expressed to the therapist that I was experiencing more pain in my knee than I really feel comfortable dealing with (on top of the rest of the pain I deal with on a regular basis) she told me that it would be ok for me to use a cane while walking. I know she only meant temporarily and I know she was just trying to help me. But here's the thing:
I JUST TURNED 27 YEARS OLD!!!
IT IS NOT OK FOR ME TO NEED A CANE!!
NOT OK.
AT ALL.
IN ANY WAY.
Sorry for the shouting. It's just that adjusting to all of the changes in my body since my diagnosis has been really difficult for me - both physically and mentally. And to keep myself sane, I've had to figure out how to laugh at situations that just aren't funny. At all.
But recently I sort of feel like my ability to stay positive is backfiring on me. I've been feeling like my doctors aren't really taking me seriously about the amount of pain I'm in. Or how upset I am about being 27 years old and having RA and being too exhausted to do anything fun and dislocating my knee on top of all of that. Just because I come into the doctor's office trying to smile and stay positive doesn't mean I'm ok. It doesn't mean I'm exaggerating when I say I'm in pain.
Aren't doctors supposed to know that?
1 comment:
It is amazing how many similar things we both go through. I have learned the more dramatic I am, the more help I get. Throw a tantrum, get attention. It works in the medical world. It shouldn't, and I hate that it does, but it does. Go in there, freak out, bitch, complain. If you need to, read this entry aloud then they may start to pay attention. I hope you start getting the medical attention you deserve. Sending you big hugs.
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